I faked an abortion last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
