uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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