This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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