I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
