I must be too annoying 4 u.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
