when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
