My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
