I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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