Someone shit on the floor
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
