My brain says no but my pants say off.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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