My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize