He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize