at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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