Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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