I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
