A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
