It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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