shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
