I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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