i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize