weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
