If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
