If that was your dad, he is hot
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
