i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
