the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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