i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
