Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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