Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just forgot I was standing up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
