Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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