i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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