You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize