4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
