Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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