but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
