covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just cut my nipple shaving
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
