This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
