She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
