Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
