I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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