i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
