How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
