omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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