jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
