So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
