forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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