My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
