I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
