It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
