my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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