you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
