i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
