party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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