I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
