1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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