so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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