He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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