so let's talk penis.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
