i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
