I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
