do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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