I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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