She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
