Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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