Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck appropriateness.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
