It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
